Universal Neurosis

According to Freud "Religion is a Universal Neurosis"...
Having this is n mind, it could be stated
"Casteism is a severe mental disorder, which requires immediate medical attention"

Voice against Casteism!

மனிதனை மனிதனாய் பார்க்க தெரியாதவனும், மனிதனை சாதியின் பெயரால் பகுத்து பார்க்க நினைப்பவனும் பகுத்தறிவு அற்றவனே...

சாதியம் என்னும் பாகுபாட்டை ஒழிப்போம், பகுத்தறிவு சமுதாயம் காண்போம்...

Speaking Assertively at work

If you deal with daily meetings and interactions with coworkers, you know just how important it is to speak assertively. But what exactly does “assertively” mean and how do you speak your mind without coming across as rude? These are important questions, as communicating effectively — not to mention politely — is pivotal to your professional success. The last thing you want to do is alienate coworkers (or clients!) with in-your-face boldness. As Don Draper once said,

“…Keep it up, and even if you do get my job, you’ll never run this place. You’ll die in that corner office, a mid-level executive with a little bit of hair who women go home with out of pity. Want to know why? Cause no one will like you.”

And Draper’s advice is spot on; no one responds well to a bossy coworker and being rude is definitely not the way to win a promotion or in-office respect. Remember when asserting yourself or your ideas, your main goal should be to gain and give respect. How? We suggest focusing on confidence instead of assertiveness. You’ll find that a confidently presented idea or viewpoint will get you far and will garner you more respect in the long run.

Show Confidence

The best solutions come out of problems. A healthy discussion and even a disagreement can be very beneficial, especially in the work space. It means both sides are passionate and want the best for the company. But in order to communicate effectively you must show confidence in yourself and your ideas. Confirm this confidence by facing coworkers when speaking. Remember that while it’s perfectly fine to refer to notes, the majority of a conversation or presentation should be spent making eye contact – both when you are speaking and (even more importantly) while you’re listening.

Exhibit Leadership Qualities

Part of speaking in an assertive manner is demonstrating leadership skills. When you are assertive in a conversation, you are leading that conversation. But don’t use this as a time to be condensing. Steer clear of using big words in an effort to deliberately impress people and try to avoid making coworkers feel defensive. Think about your approach, delivery, and what you want as a result of your conversation.

Be Specific and Clear

Part of speaking to people is, well, speaking to people. To avoid miscommunication, speak clearly and stay on topic. If you are curious or need clarification about something, just ask. If you are feeling frustrated by a coworker’s solution or point-of-view, for the interest of a win-win situation, try to look at the big picture and, if you must, excuse yourself from the conversation altogether. The quickest way to lose respect in the office is to let your emotions take over your professionalism. Being kind and courteous should always win out over your efforts to be right.

Say Exactly What You Mean

No one likes to listen to someone drone on. Often, the more you say, the less is heard. Keep things specific, use facts, and be conversational — not confrontational.

Listen — REALLY Listen

When you’re talking, show coworkers that you hear them and that you understand. Most times, people just want to be heard. Prefacing your comments with a rephrasing of their last statement will both put them at ease and make them more open to listening and understanding your stance and possible solution.

Don’t Feel Guilty for Being Assertive

It’s more than okay to stand up for yourself, your ideas and opinions. Being assertive is in fact very important when communicating with others, not to mention coworkers. Practice, assess the situation, and use confidence to emphasize rather than provoke. Remember, in the end, it’s respect you seek.

21 Golden Rules

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Tal k slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you 've made a mist ake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Ways to live in peace

1. Do Not Interfere In Others’ Business Unless Asked:
Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others’ affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God.. God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way. Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.


2. Forgive And Forget:
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it. Get over this bad habit. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive,20Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.


3. Do Not Crave For Recognition:
This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives. They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you. Why do you wish to kill yours if in striving for their recognition? Their recognition is not worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically and sincerely.


4. Do Not Be Jealous:
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No. Remember everybody’s life is shaped by his/her destiny, which has now become his/her reality. If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.


5. Change Yourself According To The Environment:
If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail. Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.


6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured:
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control. If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully. Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.


7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew:
This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. . Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.


8. Meditate Regularly:
Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.


9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant:
An empty mind is the devil’s workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God’s name.


10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret:
Do not waste time in protracted wondering ” Should I or shouldn’t I?” Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Value your time and do the things that need to be done. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Why cry over split milk?

Avoiding Sexual Harrasment in Office

The corny but scary office scenario goes something like this: The boss runs after the female subordinate. The pat on the bottom and the leering at the cleavage follows.
So, how does one cope with the leers, innuendos and gropes… If it was a co-worker, you can take it to the boss. But what do you do if it's the boss himself who can't seem to control his testosterone?

Real or imaginary
 Make sure that it's not just your imagination and that the boss is really predatory.

Dress code
 Gals, it always comes back to this. Wear less clingy clothes to work. Show off your knowledge and expertise, not your cleavage.

Watch your words and actions
 The businesslike handing over of a file can be quite different from a languid gesture that invites a fumble. Don't succumb to flattery and send wrong signals that may be difficult to handle.

Avoid solo contact
 Not easy, especially when you are asked to come into the boss's cabin and close the door. Tell a colleague about the meeting. Glass-walled and modular offices are great, so try to maintain dignity. Keep the table between you at all times.

Get support
Confide in a co-worker. In the presence of others, discuss sexual harassment in a movie or serial, especially when the boss is in hearing distance! They can bear witness if the affair becomes official or a legal issue.

Keep a record
 Record incidents, occasions, dates etc. of episodes to strengthen your case and show a pattern of harassment.

Dont go emo, cope up:
 1) If the behaviour continues, object politely but firmly-no tears please.

2) Firmly push away the groping hand.

3) Say loudly, "Stop! You are invading my personal space."

4) Repeat sexual innuendos or doubtful statements in a loud voice and ask what he means….very effective when there are others around.

5) Leave out pamphlets or articles around on sexual harassment.

6) Use the phrase "sexual harassment" or "sexual assault" freely and frequently when he is around.

7) Complain to HR if it continues even if your leery Boss is the top man. Explain the situation and your discomfort. A safe working environment is part of your contract.

8) If all else fails, bite the bullet! Look for another job.

Finding a liar!

Watching body language in addition to what is spoken might just save you from being a victim of fraud, or it could help you figure out when somebody’s being genuine. The police do this during an interrogation.

You have to learn the little facial and body expressions that can help you distinguish a lie from the truth. Here are some steps and tips to do so.

1. Learn to recognize deflections. Usually when people are lying, they will tell stories that are true but are deliberately aimed at not answering the question you asked. If a person responds to the question “Did you ever hit your wife?” with an answer such as “I love my wife, why would I do that?”, the suspect is technically telling a truth, but they are avoiding answering your original question, which usually means they’re lying.

2. Mind exaggerated details. See if they are telling you too much, like “My mom is living in France, isn’t it nice there? Don’t you like the Eiffel tower? It’s so clean there.” Too many details may tip you off to their desperation to get you to believe them.

3. We have illustrators, and manipulators. Illustrators are a sign of telling the truth, this is when you are using your hand gestures to talk. Moving your hands while you are talking is a sign of telling the truth. We also have manipulators. These, are the opposite of illustrators. An example of a manipulator can be playing with your wrist-watch, your jewelry, pulling on your ear lobe, etc. People who behave this way tend to be hiding something. The last, commonly unknown sign of hiding something is reptile tissue, most people have a reptile tissue in their nose, and it itches when you’re hiding something. But, before you assume that the person is hiding something, please establish a base line.

4. Base Line: A base line is what someone acts like when they are not lying. You have to get a base line before you proceed with anything. Imagine you have a itch on your nose ever since you got out of bed. And someone thinks you are hiding something because you scratch your nose when answering a question…oops. What the person should have done is establish a baseline. To establish a baseline, you need to see the person when they aren’t lying. Try asking what their name is, and what they do for a living.

5. Look out for micro-expressions. Micro-expressions are split second facial expressions that flash on a person’s face for a less than a 25th of a second and reveal the person’s true emotion underneath their facade. Some people may be naturally sensitive to them, but almost anybody can easily train to be able to detect microexpressions. Put focus to the upper and lower eyelids, the corner of the eyes, the mouth and the muscles surrounding the mouth, the eyebrows and forehead.

6. Shaking hands… When you meet the person who you think is deceiving you, shake their hand. Take note of the temperature. When you are sure they are lying to you, pretend to be leaving and quickly grab their hand for a “Good-Bye” Handshake. If the temperature is colder, they are fearful.

7. Notice the person’s eye movements. Contrary to popular belief, a liar does not always avoid eye contact. Humans naturally break eye contact and look at non-moving objects to help them focus and remember. Liars may deliberately make eye contact to seem more sincere. You can usually tell if a person is remembering something or making something up based on their eye’s movements. When someone is remembering details, their eyes move to the right (your right). When someone is making something up, their eyes move to the left. It’s usually reversed for lefties. (although not always true.)

8. Be aware of their emotional responses
Timing and duration tends to be off when someone is lying. If you ask someone a question and they respond directly after the question, there is a chance that the person is lying. This can be because they have rehearsed the answer, or they’re already thinking about the answer just to get it over with and move forward. A delayed answer can be a sign of lying. To tell the truth takes 2 parts of your brain at most, however to lie takes 6 parts of your brain. If the person has a long story then you can ask them to tell it backwards. Liars have trouble telling stories backwards, because in their mind they have rehearsed it forwards, but not backwards. And, as with smiling, facial expressions of a poor liar will be limited to the mouth area.


Pay close attention to the person’s reaction to your questions. A liar will often feel uncomfortable and turn their head or body away, or even subconsciously put an object between the two of you. Also, while an innocent person would go on the offensive (usually responding with anger, which will usually be revealed in a microexpression directly after you say you don’t believe them), a guilty person will often go immediately on the defensive (usually by saying something to reassure their facts, such as deflections).

9. Listen for a subtle delay in responses to questions. An honest answer comes quickly from memory. Lies require a quick mental review of what they have told others to avoid inconsistency and to make up new details as needed. However, when people look up to remember things, it does not necessarily mean that they are lying.

10 .Be conscious of their usage of words. Verbal expression can give many clues as to whether a person is lying, such as:
Using/repeating your own exact words when answering a question
Not using contractions
Avoiding direct statements or answers (deflections)
Speaking excessively in an effort to convince
Speaking in a monotonous tone
Speaking in muddled sentences
Vocal pitch rising
Using classic qualifiers such as “I’m only going to say this once…”
Using humor and sarcasm to avoid the subject
Using Deflections (beating around the bush, not answering the question.)

11. Allow silence to enter the conversation.
If they’re lying, they will become uncomfortable if you stare at them for a while with a look of disbelief. If they’re telling the truth, they will usually become angry or just frustrated (lips pressed together, brows down, upper eyelid tensed and pulled down to glare).

12 .Change the subject quickly. While an innocent person would be confused by the sudden shift in the conversation and may try to return to the previous subject, a liar will be relieved and welcome the change. You may see the person become more relaxed and less defensive.

13. Watch his or her throat. A person may constantly be either trying to lubricate their throat when he/she lies by swallowing or clearing their throat to relieve the tension built up. A person’s voice can also be a good lie indicator; they may suddenly start talking faster or slower than normal, or their tension may result in a higher-pitched speaking tone. See baseline info

14 .Check the facts. If you have the means, check the validity of what the liar is saying. A skilled liar might give some reason why you shouldn’t talk to the person who could confirm or deny a story. Perhaps the liar will infer that the person is particularly favourable towards the liar, or that the person would have little time for you. These are probably lies themselves, so might be worthwhile overcoming your reluctance and to check with the person you’ve been warned against.

15. Judge the character. Most people tell the truth most of the time, and will cherish their reputation. Liars will ’sail close to the wind’ – they’ll artificially bolster their reputation so that they seem more credible or desirable than they actually are.
If you overhear a version of an anecdote that seems wrong, listen to those alarm bells – it might be a liar.
If someone takes the time out to ingratiate themselves with you out of the blue, it’s very flattering, but you have to ask, why are they doing that?

If John rubbishes or smears people more than normal, John is possibly putting in the groundwork so the audience are more receptive to John, and less receptive to the people who John has lied to – they’re discredited before they can say ‘John is a liar’.

Note -

Some people are extremely experienced or even professional liars. He or she has told their made up story so many times that they are actually believable, getting all their days, dates and times down perfectly! Sometimes, you may need to simply accept that you can’t catch every lie all the time.

If you do catch a lie, don’t reveal it to the liar; they will just adjust their story. Once you know one thing that is not true, you can use it to find more of the net of lies, and other nets of lies. Then decide which points you reveal and to whom.